Students undergo training and instruction every year about how to deal with all kinds of bullying and harassment.

STUDENT STRATEGIES

Situation: Help the student define the problem and review their options.

Problem: "I keep getting into trouble at school because I am a bully."

Option:

• Take responsibility for my problem.

Positive Consequences:

• I become more mature.
• I will need to take some constructive actions.
• I gain respect for myself and from others.
• I learn that I can't get by with inappropriate behavior in Waunakee Community Middle School.
• Negative Consequences:
• I have to admit that I am at fault.

From Bullies, Targets, and Witnesses by Fried and Fried

 

SITUATION - A BULLY WHO WON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

Something for students who bully to think about. "I keep getting in trouble at school because I bully others."

OPTIONS:

• I can blame others for my situation.
• I can try to understand the reason for my negative behavior.

POSITIVE CONSEQUENCES:

• I don't have to admit that I'm at fault.
• I could learn something about myself (e.g., I need attention, I am upset about something, I am angry about something, I need to "dump" my problems on someone else).
• I could develop a way to check out my feelings when I start to bully.
• I could learn how to be introspective.

NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES:

• I become frustrated because I can't change other people's behavior.
• I have no control over the solution.
• I am never able to solve my own problem.
• I have to think about unpleasant things - about myself.
• I have to work very hard to understand.

GOOD QUESTIONS FOR STUDENTS:

"What can a bully do to change his or her OWN behavior?" "What do people do to "observe" and then attempt to understand their own behavior?"

The Warning Signs of Bullying

According to child psychologists who work with Milwaukee County's Mobile Urgent Treatment Team, children who are bullied at school often undergo specific changes. Some of the changes are obvious, while others are quite subtle. Here are some of the signs to look out for:

-- Avoiding school (wanting to stay home from school)
-- Dropping grades
-- Depression
-- Mood changes
-- Loss of appetite
-- Fatigue / trouble sleeping
-- Social withdrawal
-- Abusive (physically or verbally) towards other children, siblings or family pet

What to do if Your Child is Bullied at School

Wendi Heuermann is the former program director at Project Ujima, an organization that helps children who are victims of bullying and youth violence. Catherine A. Hogan is a psychotherapist and consultant with Education Consulting Services. Their suggestions for parents whose kids are being bullied at school:

--STAY CALM. Your anger and frustration towards the bully and the situation will not help your child. However, remain firm. Your strength and certitude are very important.
--LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD. Take time to let your child express his/her feelings and to explain everything that happened. Reassure your child that coming to you to report the bullying was the right thing to do. Ask for your child's ideas for a possible solution. Asking for input can be empowering, as long as your child believes it will be your problem to find the solution -- not theirs. Targeted children may be willing to settle for less just to stop the pain and to feel accepted.
--CONTACT THE SCHOOL QUICKLY. Make the immediate telephone call, but then document everything in writing. Write a letter recapping all conversations. You can do this very nicely; explain that you want to be sure you understand everything they are saying about the safety and well being of your child. Again, stay calm. School administratorsdon't enjoy talking to irate parents. It can be challenging to remain calm if you feel you are talking with school staff who do not admit anything is wrong or do not take any responsibility for things that do wrong. Report as many details as possible, such as where the bullying happened, when it happened and who is involved. Remember to do this in writing.
--REQUEST A MEETING with a school administrator who has the authority to design and implement a safety plan. Determine what you want school staff members to do to help your child and to keep him/her safe from bullying. This step should take place BEFORE your meeting with school officials. Have realistic expectations. Asking school staff to more closely monitor the bully and to ensure that your child and the bully are not left together unsupervised is realistic. Asking for the bully to be permanently removed from the school is not a likely option.
--REMEMBER THE SOLUTION LIES WITH THE CHILD WHO IS BULLYING. Refocus the administrator back to this fact if there is any attempt to tell you what is wrong with your child. Tell administrators that you will discuss any problem they see concerning your child AFTER they have resolved the safetyrisks to your child.
--BRAINSTORM WITH THE ADMINISTRATOR AND OTHER SCHOOL STAFF to identify all possible remedies. Include your child's input on suggestions for resolution, only after the administrator has provided suggestions. Administrators may implement an idea more effectively if it is their own. Any proposed resolution that does not feel comfortable to yourchild probably will not work. However, if you feel good about the solution, you may need to make the decision to follow it and work with your child's anxiety.
--LEARN ABOUT ANTI-BULLYING PROGRAMS IN THE SCHOOL. Ask what bullying prevention program the school is using. If the school is not using any program, ask what training staff members have received on how to handle bullying situations. Ask what procedures are in place to help children report bullying. Mutually identify one school staffperson that your child can talk with to report any future incidents of bullying. Make sure this person will contact you to discuss any incidents of bullying. Make sure the person will mail you a written report of the bullying and the school's response and intervention.
--KEEP LISTENING TO AND TALKING TO YOUR CHILD. You are obviously already doing a good job if your child has reported being bullied. Ask frequently about school bullying and whether the situation has improved. Counseling services in school and out of school can be helpful for the targeted child in certain situations. Follow up with the school administrator if bullyingcontinues.
--SEEK OUTSIDE ASSISTANCE if the school is not following through. An attorney, of course, can be helpful if you can afford the service. If your resources are limited, review your paperwork and consider whether you have sufficient documentation to ask the State Department of Instruction to step in. You can ask Wisconsin DPI to get involved if the bullying involves harrassment due to your child's race, gender, ethnic background, religion, sexual orientation, physical or mental disability, or other protected classification.

Sexual Harassment:

Student Rights and Responsibilities

Below is some information specific to one kind of harassment: Sexual Harassment.

Can you answer these questions regarding sexual harassment?

• Do you know what sexual harassment is?
• Do you know and understand your school district’s sexual harassment policy?
• Do you know how to report sexual harassment?
• Can you get in trouble for sexually harassing someone?

After you have read this page, you will be able to answer these questions!

Purpose

The purpose of this page is to help you answer these questions by:

• providing students with information about our district’s sexual harassment policy involving students;
• informing students of what sexual harassment is;
• telling students what they can do if they are sexually harassed; and
• advising students and adults of what can happen to them if they are engaging in sexual harassment.

Board Policy against sexual harassment of students

The Waunakee Community School District Board of Education has approved a policy prohibiting sexual harassment of students. The policy states that pupils and staff have a right to be in a school environment that is free from all forms of harassment, including sexual harassment, and that anyone who engages in harassing behavior will be disciplined, including students.

What is sexual harassment?

Sexual harassment can be verbal, non-verbal, and/or physical and is any unwanted attention of a sexual nature in the school environment. Not only is sexual harassment against Board policy, but it is also a violation of the law. Sexual harassment often involves feelings of helplessness. You can feel unable to stop someone from hurting you. You can feel like you’re singled out for no reason. Sexual harassment can be very frightening.

Examples of harassment

• If you are the only boy in the class and the girls really give you a hard time.
• In the hallway between classes the girls hold their books tight because some of the guys try to brush up against them.
• A teacher stares at a student all the time and asks the student to do little favors and to stay after class. This makes the student feel uncomfortable.
• There are places at school where the girls walk by and the guys say a lot of gross things about the girls.
• Physical contact, including touching, pinching and brushing the body.
• Statements or jokes with sexual overtones.
• The display of graphic, sexually explicit objects, posters or pictures that show people in a degrading or humiliating manner.
• Persistent requests for social/sexual encounters and favors.
• Sexual assaults.
• Comments repeatedly emphasizing the sexuality or sexual identity of an individual.
• Obscene gestures, non-verbal suggestive behavior (leering) or insulting sounds (whistling).

What’s the big deal?

Sexual harassment is a way that people:

• force sexual attention on someone who doesn’t want it;
• dominate others by unfairly taking advantage of a situation, or intimidate others to force their consent;
• take pleasure from someone else’s pain or discomfort;
• abuse power that they have over people;
• violate someone’s rights.

Who are the victims?

The majority of victims of sexual harassment are female students who are sexually harassed by males. Sometimes students are sexually harassed by members of their own sex, and occasionally male students are sexually harassed by females.

Why are students sexually harassed?

No one really knows why some people sexually harass students. One reason may be that they think they can get away with doing it. Another may be that harassment gives a person a feeling of power over the student.

Why has sexual harassment been kept secret?

Most sexual harassment goes unreported because the victims are somehow made to feel ashamed of what happened to them. They may be afraid others will say they “asked for it,” that no one will believe them, they won’t be able to prove it, or they’ll be labeled a troublemaker. Rather than face embarrassment and reprisals, many victims do not say anything. This leaves the harasser free to victimize others.

How do you know if you are being harassed?

Students and adults say that they are sometimes unsure about whether they are being sexually harassed. Sometimes they say it is difficult to tell the difference between sexual harassment and flirting or teasing. There is a difference, though. Harassment feels bad. Flirting feels good. Harassment is unwanted. It makes people feel trapped and helpless, frustrated, confused, resentful and angry. If you think you are being harassed, your own thoughts and feelings are usually pretty good signals about what is happening to you.

Warning Signals
 

Here are some things you can do:

• Avoid being alone with the person.
• Talk to a friend.
• Talk to a school counselor or principal.
• Talk to an adult you can trust.
• Think about how you feel.
• Keep a record. Include date, time, location and people involved.
• Tell the person you don’t like it.
• Talk to someone in your family.
• Ask a friend for help.
• Talk to your classroom teacher or homeroom teacher.

Deciding what to do

Whether you decide to do something yourself, get help from a friend, or talk to an adult, you have to do something. Ask yourself these questions:

• Am I acting helpless?
• Am I doing what I can on my own to stop it?
• Is it a safe thing to do?
• Am I trying to solve the problem or get even?
• Is it really a solution or am I hoping that the problem will go away by itself?
• Am I acting like it is my fault?
• Am I acting as if I have no rights?
• Are there other things that I can do that make more sense?

If your answers don’t sound right to you, or if you are unsure about them, think again about your decision. Talk it over with a friend or trusted adult. Do something to help yourself. TUNE IN to your rights.

When should you definitely talk to someone?

• If the harassment is affecting your performance in school.
• If the harasser tries to make you promise to keep the harassment a secret.
• If the harasser is an adult.
• If the harassment happens when you are alone with the person.
• If you are being physically threatened or hurt.
• If you are being touched by the harasser.

How can you help as a bystander?

What should you do if you see someone being harassed? Some people feel like they can’t do anything, like they are a captive audience. There are, however, some things that you can do to help. You can. . .

... tell the person to stop.

... walk away.

... say that you don’t think it’s funny.

Don’t do or say anything that will encourage the harasser. Don’t giggle, stare at the person being harassed, add more jokes or gossip about what happened. These actions will probably make the situation worse because they make the harasser feel like you approve of their behavior.

How can you help as a friend?

Friends can be very helpful. Sometimes they can do more than anyone else. A friend can help someone figure out what is happening and what to do about it.

If you are a friend of someone being harassed, be a good listener. Don’t act on your own without the person’s permission. That might make your friend feel even more helpless. Help your friend decide what to do and then be supportive.

If your friend decides to discuss matters with an adult at school, help your friend prepare what to say. Make a list of what happened. Write down...what happened, when and where it occurred, who said it, how it made your friend feel, and how your friend tried to stop it. Provide plenty of details. Offer to go along to the meeting. Your friend may be scared and really need your support.

Could you be harassing someone?

It’s not easy to admit that you’ve hurt someone, even if you did not mean to do it. Things only get worse when you don’t admit it. The best thing to do if you are harassing someone is to stop the harassment.

Remember, there is something you can do, and school officials will do something.

You don’t have to tolerate being a victim of sexual harassment. The most ineffective way of handling the problem is to ignore it.

IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT IS BEING SAID OR DONE, TELL THE HARASSER THAT THE BEHAVIOR IS UNWELCOME. TELL THE HARASSER THAT YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, AND TO STOP IT!

If the harassing conduct continues, or if you desire, you can report the sexual harassment to your teacher, guidance counselor, or principal.

Other forms of harassment of students

Harassment based on race, national origin, ancestry, creed, pregnancy, marital or parental status, sexual orientation, physical, mental or emotional learning disability are also prohibited by the law and Board policy.

Reviewed October 2011